ANTOINETTE:
Hi, and welcome. I’m Antoinette Trimble, a registered architect. Today’s topic is one that most architects will encounter at some point in their career, and that very few of us were trained to handle — navigating conflict with clients.
ALLISON:
Hi, I’m Allison Tsao, an organisation development practitioner. Conflict in professional relationships is inevitable — but how you respond to it is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned.
This video is part of a series developed in partnership with the Architects Registration Board of Victoria.
ANTOINETTE
Today we’re covering three topics that can help you de-escalate conflict:
your formal obligations under the Victorian Code of Conduct when a complaint arises; how to manage your own emotional response in the moment and how to demonstrate genuine empathy to a client who is frustrated or upset.
ALLISON:
Antoinette, before we get into the human side of conflict, let’s start with the formal obligations — because a lot of architects aren’t aware that having a complaints handling process isn’t optional.
ANTOINETTE:
That’s right. Clause 16 of the Code requires architects to have a complaint handling process in place. And this process must be set out in the client architect agreement.
ALLISON:
What is a complaint handling process?and why is it important?
ANTOINETTE:
A complaint handling process is a set of steps that provide an early opportunity for client dissatisfaction to be communicated and addressed before it gets to the stage of requiring dispute resolution or legal action.
In short, it allows you to maintain a good working relationship with your client. It is fundamental to maintaining professional conduct as it is important for accountability, service improvement, and maintaining trust. Its really about avoiding the need for dispute resolution or legal action.
ALLISON:
So what does a complaint handling procedure look like?
ANTOINETTE
What it looks like is totally at the discretion of the practice. It can be as involved as the processes outlined in the Australian Standard.
Or as simple as setting out the following 5 things:
1. how a client can raise a dispute
2. how that dispute is acknowledged by the practice
3. the process for responding (timeframe)
4. details of any special arrangements for resolving disputes (e.g. facilitated discussion, mediation, etc.) or other next steps if it cant be resolved
5. how a person makes a complaint to the ARBV
ALLISON
So it just needs to be accessible to your clients, clearly documented and give a genuine pathway to try to achieve resolution. I also understand there are lots of resources available online that you can tailor.
ANTOINETTE
Thanks right
ALLISON:
Most people don't love conflict because it makes us uncomfortable. So it's important to talk about what happens inside you when a client is angry or frustrated — because this is where a lot of well-intentioned responses go wrong.
ANTOINETTE:
Even for experienced architects, there's a strong instinct to defend yourself — to explain, to justify, to correct the record. But if that kicks in before you've actually heard what the client is saying, it tends to make things worse.
ALLISON:
What's happening physiologically is that a perceived threat triggers a stress response. Your heart rate increases, thinking narrows, and you move into reactive mode.
ANTOINETTE:
So what can you do?
ALLISON:
The first thing is simply noticing that this is happening — and then slowing down deliberately. You can buy yourself a moment by saying — "I want to make sure I understand what you're telling me. Can I just take a moment?" That's not weakness. It's regulation. And it signals to the client that you're taking them seriously.
The second is to separate the emotion from the content. If a client is angry, there are usually two things happening at once: a feeling, and an underlying concern. The feeling might be frustration, fear, or a sense of being disrespected. The concern might be about cost, timeline, or trust. Your job is to get to the concern — but you can’t do that until you’ve acknowledged the feeling.
ANTOINETTE:
It also helps to remind yourself that a client's anger is rarely personal, even when it feels that way. Their frustration is about the situation. Holding that distinction creates a little bit of space.
ALLISON:
And if the conversation escalates to a point where you can't respond well in the moment, it's entirely appropriate to pause — "I can see this is a significant concern for you. Can we find a time to speak tomorrow so I can come back to you with a clearer picture?"
That’s not avoidance. It’s responsible de-escalation — and it gives you the time to regulate, reflect, and respond more effectively rather than react in the moment. .
ALLISON:
Let’s talk about another de-escalation strategy. Empathy — probably the most misunderstood skill in conflict situations. A lot of people confuse it with conceding the client is right. But it simply means you understand how they feel, and you let them know that.
ANTOINETTE:
That distinction is really important in practice. An architect can say —
“I can hear how frustrated you are, and I understand why — this is not the outcome either of us wanted.”
That is empathy. It tells the client that you’re with them emotionally, and that opens the door for a real conversation.
ALLISON:
And empathy requires listening first. Before you explain, before you respond, before you problem-solve — you listen. Not just to what the client is saying, but to what’s underneath it. What are they actually worried about? What do they need from you in this moment? Sometimes it’s an answer. But often it’s simply to be heard.
ANTOINETTE:
A practical technique is to reflect back what you’re hearing before you respond. Something like —
“What I’m hearing is that you feel you weren’t kept informed about this change, and that’s left you feeling caught off guard. Is that right?”
Two things happen when you do this. The client either confirms you’ve understood — and feels heard — or they correct you, which gives you better information. Either way, emotions come down, as the client can see you’re genuinely trying to understand.
ALLISON:
What empathy is not — and this is important — is excessive apologising where it isn’t warranted. Saying sorry when you haven’t done anything wrong can inadvertently imply fault, and it can also undermine your professional authority in a moment when you need it most. Empathy and accountability are different things. You can be warm, present, and genuinely caring — while still being clear about what you are and aren’t responsible for.
CLOSING
ANTOINETTE:
To recap.
Have a written complaints handling process in place before you need it ( also in your client- architect agreement) — as per Clause 6 and 16 of the Code and it will make you more confident and more effective when conflict arises.
ALLISON:
Notice and manage your own emotional response. Slow down, separate the feeling from the concern, and give yourself permission to pause a conversation that needs more time.
ANTOINETTE:
Demonstrate empathy by listening first, reflecting back what you’ve heard, and acknowledging how the situation lands — without losing your professional position.
ALLISON :
Thanks for watching. We hope this video helps you navigate the difficult moments in your practice with greater confidence and skill.
ANTOINETTE:
See you in the next one.
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