ANTOINETTE:
Hi, and welcome. I'm Antoinette Trimble, a registered architect, and I’m passionate about helping architects build stronger, more meaningful relationships — with clients, colleagues and the people they work alongside every day.
ALLISON:
Hi, I'm Allison, an organisation development practitioner. I bring a people and communication lens to the way professionals engage with the world around them, and that includes something we don't always talk about enough — how we proactively build relationships, rather than just waiting for them to happen.
This video is part of a series developed in partnership with the Architects Registration Board of Victoria.
ANTOINETTE:
Today's topic is proactively building relationships and we want to be really practical about this. So we're going to share three specific micro skills, small concrete things you can start doing in your very next conversation.
ALLISON:
Because building relationships isn't just about being personable, it's a professional skill and like any skill, it can be learned and practised.
So, let's get into it.
ANTOINETTE:
So, Allison, I want to start with something I think a lot of architects — myself included — can be guilty of. When we meet a new client or step into a project meeting, we tend to lead with an agenda. We're asking questions to gather information, like "What's the brief?", "What's the budget?", "What's the timeline?"
ALLISON::
And those are all necessary questions, but they’re closed questions — they pull specific data. What they don't do is open a conversation up or give the other person a sense that you're genuinely interested in them as a person.
ANTOINETTE::
So, what does that shift look like in practise?
ALLISON::
It starts with the mindset before the question. Instead of asking yourself “What do I need to find out?”, you ask yourself “What can I learn about this person?” And that small internal shift changes the type of question you reach for.
So instead of “What's your budget?” you might try “What would make this project looked like a success?” Instead of “How many rooms do you need?” you might try “What is the way you live and work look like day to day?”
ANTOINETTE::
The second question gives you the same information — and often more — but it tells the other person that you're curious about them and not just their requirements. And I think people feel that difference.
ALLISON::
Exactly. Open questions tend to start with what, how, or tell me about. They invite the other person to share. These questions go a step further. They signal that you actually care about the answer. And when people feel genuinely heard, they open up. And that's where a relationship starts to form.
ANTOINETTE::
And from a practical standpoint, as an architect, the richer the brief you can draw out of that conversation, the better the design outcome. So, it's not just good for the relationship. It's good for the work.
ALLISON::
Now let's talk about what happens after you ask the question. Because asking a great question and then not really listening to the answer is, unfortunately, more common than we'd like to admit.
ANTOINETTE::
I'll put my hand up. I've been in client meetings where I've asked a question and while the client's answering, I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next or taking notes or mentally, you know, I'm where they were two sentences ago and I'm not actually present.
ALLISON::
And that's very human — it's how our brains work under pressure. But the second micro-skill is active listening, and it's about shifting from listening to respond, to listening to understand.
There are a few practical things you can do. First: notice when your mind starts drafting your reply while the other person is still talking. When that happens — just bring yourself back gently. It takes practice, but it becomes more natural over time.
ANTOINETTE::
And the second thing?
ALLISON::
Reflect back what you’ve heard before you move on. Something like — "So it sounds like what matters most to you is..." and then check if you got it right. Even if you've slightly missed the mark, the other person will correct you — and now you're in a real conversation.
ANTOINETTE::
That act of reflecting back also signals to the other person that you were actually listening, which as you said, is rarer than it should be. And in a professional context, particularly for architects, where so much can hinge on a client feeling understood, it builds an enormous amount of trust.
ALLISON::
It does, and it also slows the conversation down in a really productive way. We're often in a rush to get through our agenda, but the moments where you pause, reflect and check your understanding — those are often the moments where the most important information comes to the surface.
ANTOINETTE::
The third micro-skill ties the first two together — and it's something Allison calls ‘following their thread’. Can you explain what you mean by that?
ALLISON::
Sure. When someone is speaking, there are usually small openings — a word they use, a feeling they mention, something they say almost in passing. And most of the time, we let those things slide because we're trying to steer back the conversation to where we think it needs to go.
So, ‘following the thread’ means pausing on those moments instead. It means picking up on what they offered and following it a little further before rushing.
ANTOINETTE::
Can you give me a concrete example?
ALLISON::
Absolutely. So say a client mentions almost offhandedly to you “This renovation has a lot of moving parts. And honestly, it's been a bit stressful.” Now, most people would nod and just move on. But if you follow the thread, you might say something like “That sounds like a lot to navigate. What's been the trickiest part for you?”
ANTOINETTE:
And suddenly the conversation goes somewhere real.
ALLISON::
Somewhere real. Exactly. And that's where relationships are actually built — not in the formal agenda items, but in the small, everyday, genuine exchanges. When someone feels like you notice something they said and chose to go there with them, that's when you start to really build trust.
ANTOINETTE::
And from an architect's perspective — what comes out of those exchanges is often gold. A client who feels safe to tell you the process has been stressful might also tell you things about their priorities, their fears, their decision making — that you'd never get from a standard briefing list of questions.
ALLISON::
Exactly. ‘Following the thread’ isn't a detour, it's often the most direct path to actually understanding what someone needs.
ANTOINETTE::
So, to recap — proactively building relationships comes down to three micro skills you can start practising in your next conversation. Ask open and curious questions — shift from extracting information to genuinely wanting to understand the person in front of you.
ALLISON::
Listen actively — focus on understanding rather than responding. Reflect back what you've heard and give the other person an experience of feeling genuinely listened to.
ANTOINETTE:
And follow their thread — when someone gives you a small opening, take it. That's where real connection happens.
ALLISON::
These skills apply whether you're in an initial client meeting, a project debrief, a team check-in, or a conversation in the hallway. The context changes, but the principle is the same Relationships are built in the quality of our everyday interactions.
ANTOINETTE:
And the good news is that these aren't fixed traits, so they're habits. The more you practise them, the more natural they become.
ALLISON::
Thanks for watching. We'd encourage you to pick one of these three micro skills and try it out in your next conversation to see what changes.
ANTOINETTE:
See you in the next one.
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